


Can't Believe You're Packing Your Bags, Trying So Hard Not To Cry

by drunkniall



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, im sorry, this is about zayn leaving 1d, this will just be one sad fic but i really need to get rid of this numbness that i'm feeling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-25
Updated: 2015-03-25
Packaged: 2018-03-19 14:56:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3614124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drunkniall/pseuds/drunkniall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn just announced that he's leaving the band and Liam doesn't know how to handle the numbness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can't Believe You're Packing Your Bags, Trying So Hard Not To Cry

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, this might be shit and it might has some spelling mistakes and it might be rushed but I'm feeling so numb right now and I can't stop crying so yeah, here it is.

Liam has had this feeling lately that something was off with Zayn. He didn't know exactly what was going on, but the dark haired lad had not been as happy as he used to be. It was quite the opposite. He preferred staying in his hotel room when they went out, he barely talked to the other lads anymore, not even to Liam.

Liam's head snaps up when he hears his hotel door open. Zayn enters his room, looking more tired than ever.

"Liam? Can you come for a second?" Zayn asks, avoiding to look into Liam's eyes.

"Sure, what's the matter? Are you okay?" Zayn only smiles before leaving the room. Liam follows him, noticing that they're on their way to Harry's room.

When Zayn and Liam enter, Louis, Harry and Niall are already laying on the bed, worried expressions on their faces.

"Hi guys," Liam softly says before sitting next to them on the bed, looking up at Zayn expectantly.

"Zayn, love, please tell us what's going on," Liam begs.

Again, Zayn avoids looking into Liam's eyes, trying to hold back his tears.

"Lads, I need to tell you something and please know that it has nothing to do with you and that I love you all so much," Zayn starts, his eyes resting on Liam when he says the last sentence.

Harry looks even more worried, Niall has started chewing on his nails and Louis grabs Liam's hand, who has started to tremble.

"Zayn, please don't tell me-" Liam tries to say, but Zayn interrupts.

"You all know that it has always been difficult for me to handle the fame. In the beginning, it was amazing. Knowing the fans loved us and everything we did. The fans have been wonderful through all the 5 years, I couldn't have wished for better ones. It was such an honour to be with you lads for almost 5 years and the touring has been great and the recording and we have such an extraordinary friendship. I've always wanted a brother and now I've got four. But this has been too much for me. I started noticing that I felt homesick a lot and the media kept bashing on my belief and my behaviour. Everything I do is criticised. Hell, I couldn't even be sick without getting hate and I know I've got your support and that I can always lean on you guys but I just can't do this anymore. I tried so hard to please everyone, but I'm so tired and I need to think about myself now and I can't do that if I stay in the band. This has all been an insane experience and I'm so glad I can tell people that I've been in the greatest band on the planet but I have to quit. That's why I've been distancing myself so much lately. I thought that if I detached myself little by little, it wouldn't hurt so bad when I finally broke it off. It does though. It's just- if I carry on like this, I'm going to lose my fucking mind. I'm so sorry, lads, I love you all so much, please don't hate me for this," Zayn explains, tears streaming down his face.

The room is silent after that. When Zayn's eyes land on Harry, he sees that the lad has tear tracks on his face as well, shaking his head in disbelieve. Niall is trying to stay strong, just like Louis, but Zayn can see that it's not really working.

When he looks at Liam, his heart drops. Liam is staring in front of him, no emotion written on his face.

"Lads, please," Zayn begs, his tears coming faster now. "Please say something."

"You're not leaving the band. You are not leaving the band," Niall mumbles, his nails bitten so short it has almost started bleeding.

"Niall, please. Don't make this any harder. I know I let you down by saying this, but I can't do this anymore. Please." Zayn says with a shaky voice.

Harry is the second one to start. "Look Zaynie, we noticed that you weren't doing very well and I feel really stupid for not paying more attention to it. But if you feel like you need to quit the band so you can get healthy again and be happy again, then I'm not going to stop you. I wish it had turned out different but it hasn't, so I really hope you'll feel better soon and I'm sorry that the band has asked so much from you and that we couldn't make you happy or give you the experience you wanted. I- I'm-," Harry is full on crying now, Niall comforting him by hugging him as tight as he can, murmuring sweet nothings in his ear, the tears escaping his eyes as well. Louis joins their hug, his blue eyes shining with still unshed tears. 

"You'll always be my best bus one mate," Louis says, his voice trembling because of all the emotion. "And my partner in crime. But now it's time for you to be Zain again and to take care of yourself."

Zayn smiles a smile that feels more real than it has the past few months, so glad his bandmates understand him, even if it's just a little. And most of all, he's glad they don't blame him. "I'm really sorry, guys. But I want you to carry on without me. You all have an amazing voice and so much talent, don't let that go to waste, please."

"You will always be our backbone, Z. You know you have talent, more than any of us and we really hope you'll stay in touch with us because we are not going to let you go. You still need to repay me that beer I payed for you 4 years ago," Niall says, smiling through his tears. "Are you sure you want to leave?"

"Yeah, Ni. I'm sure. This wasn't something I decided when I was showering this morning, you know. It was all just building up and I feel like this is the best decision. Are you mad?"

"Of course not, ya idiot. I am sad, not mad. I understand but I am sad. Take care of yourself, mate. And if you change your mind, we'll be here waiting in case you want to come home." Niall says, his voice hoarse from crying.

"Excuse me," Liam says emotionless, standing up from the bed and leaving the room. Zayn looks at his three mates on the bed. Niall smiles at him, "Go after him, we'll attack you in a group hug later."

Zayn mumbles a soft thank you before leaving the room to go find the reason why he has stayed all these years.

When he enters Liam's room, he sees the Wolverhampton lad sitting on his bed, face in his hands.

"Li," Zayn starts with a soft voice.

"Please don't. Don't talk. Don't leave the band. Just don't." Liam says, looking up at Zayn with red eyes from crying. "I thought we would be a band until we got too old to get onto the stage. What happened with that promise? Did all those years mean nothing to you? What about Niall? He needs you. Harry needs you. Louis needs you. I need you. How can you do this to us? What are we supposed to do without you?" Liam asks accusingly.

Zayn sighs, knowing that this would come. "Look. I don't know how to explain this, but the pressure and the stress are killing me. I can barely sleep anymore, I- I just. I thought you would understand."

"I do understand. I just don't want to believe this. Is this a joke you and management set up? Please tell me you are just joking and testing us. Please tell me you're not serious. I can't lose you. I just can't," Liam whispers, looking down at his hands.

"Hey, it's not like we're never going to see each other again. I promise I'm not going to let that happen. You know you have a special place in my heart, babe," Zayn explains.

"Why are you leaving me, then?" 

"I am everything but leaving you, Liam. How could you think that of me?" 

"I don't even know what I'm thinking right now. I feel so numb. You're still sure this isn't a joke?" 

"C'mere."

Liam stands up, wrapping his arms around Zayn's slim waist, hiding his face in the dark eyed lad's neck. Zayn can feel Liam trembling and short after, he can hear Liam sobbing softly. "'M gonna miss you. So much. You have no idea. I need you here, Z."

Zayn smiles to himself, wrapping his arms around Liam as well, hugging him tightly. "I need you too, Liam. I'm sorry." Zayn says, not knowing how else to explain his guilt. But he has to do this. He has to think about himself right now, about his health.

Liam lets Zayn go just enough to look into his eyes. His cheeks are red from the salty tears and his lips are bright pink. Zayn's thumbs brush away the tears on Liam's cheeks before his thumb slowly rubs over Liam's lower lip. Zayn's eyes dart from Liam's eyes to his lips and stay there. "Come on, then. I've waited so long. Do it. Come on," Zayn encourages.

Liam looks a bit shocked but recovers quickly. "Yeah?" he asks, his hand going to palm Zayn's jaw. Zayn nods softly, staring into Liam's eyes.

"I love you, Zayn. I'm sorry I only tell you this now. And like this. I'm a bit emotional and I just really don't know what to do without you and I'm-,"

Zayn interrupts him. "I know. You're going to be okay. I promise. We'll skype and call and text and we'll meet up soon, okay? You'll be fine, baby.

Liam nods, leaning in slowly. Their lips finally connect after four and a half years and maybe the circumstances could have been better, but it still feels the most right thing to do. The kiss doesn't get heated. The kiss doesn't get passionate. It's just a slow movement of lips against lips, an emotional tension hanging in the room.

When they separate, they both leth out a shaky breath, smiling at each other.

Soon after, Niall, Louis and Harry enter the room, running up to Zayn and engulfing him in an ot5 hug. They are all crying and they don't really know what to say or what do to after Zayn leaves. But they do know that even if this is the end of Zayn's career in One Direction, it's definitely not the end of their friendship.


End file.
